| Same Old Song and Dance |
[May. 14th, 2005|08:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Taking Back Sunday | ] |
Well as I sit here with nothing to do on a perfectly good Saturday night I guess I have time to just write whatever is on my mind. School year is closing fast, it's pretty crazy when I think about it. I just hope i did not let anything go to waste. I hope I don't forget the times I've shared with people here. Especially my friends, I love you guys. Then there are those who I have been less than friendly with. Well I can say that it was not only my friends who have taught me stuff buy my enemies too.
I'm definitely not too sure of myself often. I guess I need that reassurance from people to prove to myself that everything is just fine. I'm too dependent upon others. I need to be more self-reliant. I need to be more confident in my capabilities. I need to stop thinking about stuff so much and just let life take it's course. Make the best of what's around. If I don't, then life is just going to rush in and rush out. I need to slow down. Things are just so fast-paced all the time. Marion had this idea of going out west after college. Sounds more and more appealing. A place where the cost of living is cheaper, and things move slower. I want to feel like I have time to do things because right now, I have all the time in the world at this moment, sitting here, bored with nothing to do, yet I feel like something has to get done, or I am running out of time. I probably couldn't move far away on my own though...I just couldn't leave behind everyone, and go somewhere with no familiar face. Is that me being dependent on others again, or is it ok to think that? To be afraid of obscurity.
Am I a immature person? I know there is a certain group of people who think I am so this question does not apply to them because they all have their heads up their asses. Yes that was bitter I know, but I do know that you talk about me behind my back, and yet I am immature. Well besides them, am I childish? Am I loveable? Am I an ass? Did what I just wrote seem childish?
Gah, see that is an example of my lack of self-reliance. I can't just accept myself, but that's what I need to do the most. To be more confident. To not give a shit what people think. I continuously look for praise all the time. What is wrong with me? Is this normal? Are there only really a few people in this world that can be just so layed back and happy? Why can't I be happy all the time?
I want the world to stop moving for an instant and show me that I am anything but worthless and that I stand out, and that one day people will know me for more than that kid with the long sideburns I used to go to school with.
O and if you call that emo, go kill yourself I hate being labeled. |
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| Random |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|05:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Taking Back Sunday | ] |
I think i'm quite possibly the worst procrastinator ever. 200 pages to read in one night and i play video games and go to a tennis match...haha ya I really don't give a shit. I'll just be up till about 12 trying to finish stuff anyway, and then I will wake up at like 3 to finish the rest of it, skip first period because i don't give a damn about art and ya sounds like a good time.
Ideas for Mafia style Jackass video:
Skit 1: Ok so what I need is someone with a guerilla suit, and then dress a person up and then I will have that person attached to a leash and we will film us crossing a busy intersection. Then on the sidewalk, the guerilla person will get loose and beat the crap out of me and run away.
Skit 2: We build a viking ship out of someone's car and dress up as Northmen and drive around town chasing another viking ship with people dressed up as Northmen in front of us. Filming the entire thing, and then we will buy a ratissarie chicken and devour it in front of brigido's with our Viking vehicle.
Skit 3: Film a scene where we have baby carriage races. We get baby carriages and put one person in the carriage and one person pushing and we have randomly staged races around town mainly on main roads and sidewalks. It should get violent where we push each other into the grass and stuff like that.
Skit 4: Hang someone upside down from a tree on a public road and pretend the person is a pinata and beat him with foam noodles or something that looks like it would cause a lot of pain but not really. Film it all and have everyone dressed up as crazy mexicans
Skit 5: Randomly put each other in populated areas, then have someone in the grim reaper mask go up to the person and tell him it's his time to die, strike him down with a plastic ax or sythe and then carry the body off, throw him in a car and drive away to another location. Repeat and film.
Skit 6: Get a jackass costume and offer donkey rides to little kids on the street or sidewalk, then have someone run up and takle the donkey. film and repeat in multiple locations.
Those are some quick ideas, let me know if anyone can think of anything else. Wow i just had some cheesey potatoes and those things are fucking awesome. Wow i really should be reading right now. haha i'm so screwed. Till another time you bunch of shmucks
o3< = girl with large breasts. Haha when was the last time i put that thing up. Good stuff. |
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| What the shit am I on? |
[Apr. 21st, 2005|06:55 pm] |
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Ok so i have no idea where that previous entry came from. I think i may have lost myself for a second there. Ya i definitely did. I had some sense slapped into me by Dr. J and Nate. "i think if you're not alone you'll do fine." - Nate Kando. I also dropped a 35 pound free weight on my leg while lifting because something fell into my eye. So combine words of wisdom and pain and i'm back from that weird excursion. I think Tom might be right...maybe I'm bi-polar or something....Wow sometimes i can be really messed up, if I ever get like that again, please feel free to slap me or punch me in the face. |
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| Self-assessment |
[Apr. 21st, 2005|02:35 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  embarrassed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Taking Back Sunday | ] |
I have determined that i partially suck at life. I don't have a job, school is weighing me down constantly with homework and i'm just too apathetic to feel motivated to do it which is a problem and I think I suck right now for complaining about that. I have no luck with women and I doubt i ever will. Seeing my performance trying to make a condom water balloon yesterday only furthered the fact that I am going to have no luck with women. I'm a lazy bum. Who can go from being perfectly content and happy one moment to being completely down and out the next moment. It doesn't help that I'm not a good looking kid, I'm too skinny for my own good, and writing this is probably a turn off to those who don't like depressed shmucks. I'm boring, i know it, i'm not a funny person, and I can't go one day out of my life without going online so i'm a loser for that.
Ya i'm a messed up kid........so much for the no depressing journals thing. O and not to mention i am capable of pushing people away from me at times, either by doing something, saying something, or just being myself.... |
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| Scavenger Hunt assessment |
[Apr. 21st, 2005|02:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | embarrassed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Taking Back Sunday | ] |
I have determined that i partially suck at life. I don't have a job, school is weighing me down constantly with homework and i'm just too apathetic to feel motivated to do it which is a problem and I think I suck right now for complaining about that. I have no luck with women and I doubt i ever will. Seeing my performance trying to make a condom water balloon yesterday only furthered the fact that I am going to have no luck with women. I'm a lazy bum. Who can go from being perfectly content and happy one moment to being completely down and out the next moment. It doesn't help that I'm not a good looking kid, I'm too skinny for my own good, and writing this is probably a turn off to those who don't like depressed shmucks. I'm boring, i know it, i'm not a funny person, and I can't go one day out of my life without going online so i'm a loser for that.
Ya i'm a messed up kid........so much for the no depressing journals thing. O and not to mention i am capable of pushing people away from me at times, either by doing something, saying something, or just being myself.... |
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| To Hell with You and all your friends |
[Apr. 19th, 2005|06:50 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Yellowcard, The Living End, Taking Back Sunday | ] |
Well i have determined that I'm one messed kid. I don't know why, but I am. The Scavenger Hunt is tomorrow. I hope everything goes right, I've been waiting to do this thing for so long now. Should be awesome. I hope. You know what sux about the My Space thing. Nobody reads your blogs like they would read your livejournal. That's the only real drawback to it. That's why I still have this thing, so I can write down my thoughts and such and let people respond in whatever way they want.
I still can't get over that TBS, JEW, and The Format concert. It was so good. That is another night I would love to relive over and over again. I'm a lucky kid. I may complain about things like not having a job or school drama, but I really need to let things go, because life has been good to me. I have so many awesome friends, and it seems that everytime we hang out, we have the best time. All those great nights where you wish the time together did not have to end. Last night Tom, Brian, and Bobb came over and we all chilled watching movies and it was a kick ass time. Tom stayed over and we just hung out for the rest of the night and morning. Good Times. I'm officially done with drama. I'm sick of it. It came all at once whether started by someone else or myself. I'm done with it. Carpe Diem is the phrase I used to associate msyelf with, and you know what with this vacation i'm applying it again. This vacation has been nothing but a series of good times so far, and it can only get better. I don't need people who try to wrong me. What they said about senior year was true. You will change a lot, and your friends will change a lot. I've lost friends this year and I've gained friends this year. In the end the ones that stand by your side through everything and are willing to listen to you talk are the one's that matter. Hey I'll toast to the Mafia. Thanks you guys for putting up with any of my bullshit and making my high school experience unforgettable. Crazy Bunch of shmucks.
"Let's not forget how we got here, and who we got here with" - the one and only Johnny Mancone |
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| "This is the noise that keeps me awake, head explodes and body ake" |
[Apr. 18th, 2005|01:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Garbage | ] |
Ya so far this vacation has been just plain awesome. Friday afternoon was spent chilling with the toothless Marion. I got him some tapioca.
(on phone)"He's a little testy from not eating." - Mr. Marion
(in background)"grrahhhhh" - Marion
"You can eat downstairs in the basement if you want" - Mr. Marion
"Hmm Possibly" - Me
"On second thought, it might not be a good idea to eat cheeseburgers in front of him" - Mr. Marion
"Ya, i think your right" - Me
Then that night Tommy Boy and B to the J came over and we chilled watching the Red Sox and Celtics with Jen. Good times.
On Saturday night, it was TAKING BACK SUNDAY AND JIMMY EAT WORLD, quite possibly the best concert i've been to, it was just awesome, words cannot describe, you just had to be there. Then last night was pretty awesome. I went to the Garbage show in Boston with Dustin, Damien, and Eric. That was pretty cool. Two concerts in a row sux though, so tired......damn crazy... |
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| ....... |
[Apr. 12th, 2005|08:27 pm] |
I'm so confused right now, i feel in many ways like crawling in a hole and never coming out. I want to leave, i don't feel like dealing with any of this anymore.
"Tell all my friends i'm dead, i'm leaving you this time it's for good, tell all my friends that i'm dead, it won't be long before you forget my name. Can't you tell that i don't know myself, i need someone to remind me, to let it show, please let me know, don't trace your footsteps back to me, becuase i've been gone for a long time, waiting on the sidelines, hoping for a chance to play, i thought i would never leave anything behind, i also never thought i'd say, Tell all my friends i'm dead, i'm leaving you, this time it's for good, tell al my friends that i'm dead, it won't be long before you forget my name." |
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| Setting things straight |
[Apr. 11th, 2005|06:18 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Fall Out Boy, The Living End | ] |
Ok, I have realized that the manner in which I wrote my response to Margaux's editorial was improper and bitter. Consider this my formal, public apology to Margaux for not writing my response in a civilized manner. Basically if you could take out all the swears, sarcastic remarks, and malicious statements, that is how it was suppose to be written.
I know that I have been pissing a lot of people off lately, even though a few deserved it, but not Margaux. I thought about it and I realize that this is not how I want to end my senior year. I used to tell myself that I would never resort to drama on my livejournal, but somewhere along the line I lost sight of that, and I apologize for not keeping my comments and entries up to their original standards. |
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| Just as long as this things Loaded |
[Apr. 10th, 2005|06:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Living End | ] |
"And will you tell all your friends, you've got your gun to my head"
"Everyone's told you, everyone you left behind, your making the biggest mistake of your life"
"All though you swear that you are true, I'd still pick my friends over you."
You know what I realized, people like to take advantage of my kindness. I'm so nice that people can use me and know that they can get what they want, and you know it's bad, when it is your own friends who are taking advantage of you.
I'm sorry but it's not me, it's you. Cute without the E, YOUR cut from the team.
I encourage all my friends to be honest with me because if your not then your out. From the recent events that have transpired i know who my true friends are. It is funny how many things can change within a couple of days or over a simple question.
Also did you know that there is an evil cult in our school. Now not everyone in that cult is bad, and a few of them are pretty damn cool, but the others, well they are complete and total controlling bitches......wow. That felt good to say. Beware of them, for they will fuck with your lives. |
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